When I Need A Hubby

I am single. I embrace a lot of things about being single. I don't have to get anyone else's opinion about what's for dinner, where to go on vacation, how to spend money, or what to do this Friday night. I am the sole authority in my home and I kind of like it that way.

Don't get me wrong...I would love to be married and have more kids one day. But until that happens, I am loving the life I have now. That being said, there are times that I truly wish there was a husband around. You know....times like the ones listed below.

1. In the presence of a big, hairy spider.
I had a big, hairy spider in my house today. And I had to get up and use my own size 6 1/2 shoe to squish him. If I had a husband, he could have squished the spider for me. And even if I had a husband that wasn't home at the time, surely he would have a shoe in the house bigger than my own. The bigger the shoe, the more distance between my hand and big, hairy spiders.

2. At the end of a big snow storm.
I love watching snowflakes gently falling from the sky. But eventually, I will have to venture out of my nice warm home to go somewhere. That means the snow needs to be shoveled. That is NOT a fun job. And it's NOT a warm job. A husband's help would definitely make that job better.

3. When the trash can is full.
I detest taking the trash out. I know it doesn't make sense, but I would rather fold laundry, do the dishes, AND scrub the bathroom than spend two minutes carrying a full trash bag from the kitchen to the outside garbage bin. And THEN drag the bin down to the curb every Sunday night? Forget it. And yes, I am aware that this is a completely irrational hatred, but it is what it is. And if I ever do get married again, that will be the one chore that I will INSIST is the husband's job.

4. When things go bump in the night.
The other night, I was in bed and was almost asleep when I heard a noise that sounded like the door to the basement closing. I was sure it was nothing, but I couldn't NOT check. I mean, let's face it. I live with my 11 year old daughter. If something happened to her because I chose NOT to investigate a strange noise in the night, I don't know that I could ever forgive myself. So I got up to check things out. So there I was, all 125 lbs of me, walking around my house with my bedside knife in one hand (don't judge me) and my cell phone in the other...with 911 already entered and waiting for me to hit the green button. I walked all around the house, opening every closet door. I even went down into the basement to make sure all was okay. Of course, there was nobody in the house. But that was definitely one of those moments that a husband in the house would have made me feel a bit better. Okay, a lot better.

5. To....umm....well....make babies.
I love being a mommy. And I absolutely want more kids. Unfortunately, I haven't found a way to reproduce all by myself. And I won't have premarital sex. This means a husband will be necessary if I am ever to become pregnant again.

Being single has its perks, but sometimes it's just practical to have a husband around.

Facebook Posting: No Need to Fact Check

I'm sure that most of you have a facebook page, right? Also, most of you probably have facebook friends who copy and paste practically everything they read that sounds good. You may even be guilty of that yourself. And you know what, I'm ok with that.

Sometimes.

What I get tired of is the 412 posts I see every week telling me that the only way for me to show the world that I care about cancer (or child abuse, animal abuse, old people, the earth, my family, natural disaster victims, you get the point) is to copy and repost. They usually end with a statement like, "Will you repost? I did." You know...because people are proud of themselves for reposting someone else's thoughts to prove something that your friends should know anyway.

I mean, really? Do you think I wasn't aware of the fact that you love your daughter and feel that she is the most precious person on the planet? Facebook did NOT tell me anything new there, my friend. And if you're trying to raise awareness for worthy causes, please do something more productive than taking 3.8 seconds to copy and paste these ridiculous posts. Instead, maybe go volunteer somewhere or sponsor a fundraiser or something. And when you log into Facebook, try to share a thought that originated within your own skull.

All those posts saying that Facebook is going to start charging? Give me a break. Facebook isn't that stupid.

And that brings me to the posts that make fun of those "Facebook is going to charge you" posts. You know the ones. They usually say something along the lines of "If you don't copy and paste, Mark Zuckerberg will come to your home and punch your kitten in the face." Those are sometimes funny to read once. Once. Having 40 people repost it kind of makes it lose its effect. Ya feel me?

This week, I have started seeing a new post that is being reposted by people everywhere. It says that this year, October will have 5 Mondays, 5 Saturdays, and 5 Sundays. This only happens once every 823 years and it's called moneybags. You should make a wish, but you have to repost this information if you want it to come true. Yadda, yadda, yadda...

You know what happened last year? October had 5 Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays. And everyone said that it was called moneybags, it only happens once every 823 years, and you should make a wish and then repost. Sound familiar?

I hate to break it to all you moneybaggers, but take a look at this calendar:

Ok. Now take a look at THIS calendar:

They look the same, right? Well, not quite. That first one is a calendar for October 2011. The second one? October 2022. Now, call me crazy, but it looks like this amazing event called moneybags will happen again in 11 years. That's a far cry from 823 years, don't ya think?

This is just one more example of how facebook is slowly turning otherwise intelligent people into braindead drones who don't see the value in verifying information before passing it along to others.

People, I know you've heard it before, but you simply cannot believe everything you read on the internet. Especially social networking sites. I mean, most people wouldn't hear someone say something in real life and then go around repeating it to everyone without even thinking about whether or not it is accurate, right? So why do it online?

A Back to School Mommy Rant

Most people have probably seen the above commercial. It's definitely a cute, creative, and catchy ad. And I've gotta admit, that song has been stuck in my head more than once.

But this morning, I saw the commercial again. And I heard something that I hadn't really noticed before. This music teacher actually says, "If your kids want to sound cool, they have to look cool."

Ummm.....That statement, sir, makes you a jerk.

I know that if my kid's band teacher were to say that to me or my child, he would find himself dodging various musical instruments that I would be hurling in his direction.

Yes, I know I'm overreacting. No, I'm not actually angry. I am fully aware of the fact that this ad is supposed to be a cute little song that sticks in people's heads. And that's exactly what it is, so they accomplished their goal. But I woke up cranky and now I want to throw things at a teacher who is actually only an actor. Don't judge my kid by her clothes. Jerk.

Sidenote: My child's school requires uniforms. She'll be going to school without denim, graphic tees, leggings, or tunics...